Saturday, September 30, 2017

PAYING CHILD SUPPORT

JUDGE,  AFTER  A  LONG  CHILD  SUPPORT  HEARING:  After  careful  consideration  on  the  evidence  in  this  case,  I'm  paying  $800  per  months  toward  the  support  of  the  child  in  this  case.

THE  DEFENDANT  FATHER:  Judge,  that  sounds  fair  to  me.   I'll  toss  in  a  few  dollars  myself  every  couple  of  months,  too.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

ASKING PEOPLE TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK

Most  of  the  participants  here  are  still  alive,  so  all  names  have  been  changed,  to  "protect  the  guilty."

Councilman  Rob  Smith  had  a  schizophrenic  wife.  She  was  on  medication,  which  helped  90%.  The  unmedicated  10%  was  the  problem.  It  emerged  as  bad  judgment  and  extreme  temper  and  demands.

One  day  Mrs.  Smith  saw  Maria,  her  next  door  neighbor,  carefully  trimming  the  hedge  between  their  back  yards,  and  she  flew  into  a  rage  and  complained  to  her  husband,  the  Councilman.  Her  husband  the  Councilman  worked  for  a  local  pest  controller  firm.  When  his  wife  demanded  that  he  put  a  stop  to  the  outrage  next  door,  he  lost  touch  with  good  judgement,  picked  up  on  her  extreme  rage,  ran  out  to  his  truck,  grabbed  a  tank  of  pesticide,  ran  through  the  house,  crept  into  the  back  yard  while  Maria  went  inside  for  a  break,  and  hid  behind  the  hedge.  When  Maria  came  out  and  resumed  cutting,  he  jumped  up  and  said,  "GOTCHA!"  and  sprayed  pesticide  in  her  face.

Maria  fell  to  the  ground,  sick  and  coughing.  Her  husband  Michael  came  out,  deduced  all  that  had  occurred,  and  called  an  ambulance.

Michael  also  called  me,  the  family  attorney.  When  Rob  saw  me  come  into  Michael  and  Maria's  backyard,  he  bragged  about  how  he  had  sprayed  Maria  in  the  face  with  poison  for  the  outrageous  act  of  cutting  a  border  hedge!

I  said,  "Rob,   you  don't  understand.  If  Maria  is  still  in  the  hospital  tomorrow  without  a  clean  bill  of  health,  police  are  coming  to  your  house  tomorrow  to  cuff  you,  take  you  in,  charge  you  and  set  bail.  You  responded  to  perceived  aggression  against  hedges  with  a  hedge  trimmer  by  attempted  POISONING.  That's  crazy,  and  it  will  certainly  earn  you  time  in  prison.

"If,  on  the  other  hand,  Maria  is  fine  tomorrow,  they've  agreed,  in  that  case,  since  you  are  neighbors,  to  let  the  matter  drop."

Maria  did  return  home  the  next  day  with  a  clean  bill  of  health.  As  far  as  Maria  and  Michael  were  concerned,  the  matter  was  over.

But  Councilman  Rob  and  his  wife  remained  angry  instead  of  counting  their  blessings!

One  day,   Michael  was  coming  home  from  work  as  a  contractor.   The  driver  side  rear  view  mirror  of  his  truck  happened  to  be  at  exactly  the  same  height  above  the  ground  as  Councilman  Rob's  van's  mirror.  So,  as  Michael  drove  his  truck  home,  Councilman  Rob's  wife  pulled  away  from  her  house  in  the  van,  and  her  van's  mirror  kissed  Michael's  truck's  mirror,  with  injury  to  neither  vehicle.

For  Councilman  Rob's  wife,  the  touching  of  mirrors  was,  as  far  as  she  was  concerned,  an  extremely  offensive  intentional  act.  Councilman  Rob,  intent  on  justifying  his  wife's  extreme  anger,   secretly  went  to  another  neighbor,  Rick,  and  asked  him  to  punch  Michael  in  the  morning  before  he  left  for  work.

While  the  neighbor  Rick  hid  behind  some  bushes  at  about  5:00  a.m.  the  following  morning,  Michael  came  out  with  his  usual  styro  cup  of  piping  hot  coffee  and  walked  toward  his  truck.

The  neighbor  sprang  up  from  behind  the  bushes,  ran  over  to  Michael,  and  punched  him  hard  in  the  belly  through  the  coffee  cup.  The  hot  coffee  shot  up  and  squirted  Michael  in  the  face  before  he  fell  to  the  street.

Michael's  wife  Maria  had  been  watching  through  the  front  storm  door  and  seen  everything.  She  and  Michael  called  me  at  6:00  a.m.,  and  I  told  them  to  call  police  and  file  an  assault  charge  against  the  neighbor  who  punched  Michael.  Only  later  did  the  neighbor,  Rick,   confess  that  Councilman  Rob  put  him  up  to  it,  for  allowing  car  mirrors  to  touch.

Michael  and  Maria  had  had  it  up  to  their  eyeballs  with  Councilman  Rob  and  his  wife.   They  had  me  add  a  conspiracy  charge  against  Councilman  Rob.

The  case  was  switched  to  a  neighboring  town  because  of  the  charge  against  a  local  councilman.  It  was  night  court.  I  warned  Michael  and  Maria  that  trials  are  scheduled  last  in  night  court,  and  that  our  case  would  be  one  of  the  last  cases  heard,  due  to  its  spectacular  nature.  The  presence  of  the  media  in  the  courtroom  made  this  even  more  certain.

By  2:00  a.m.,  our  case  still  had  not  been  heard.  I  made  a  suggestion  to  Michael  and  Maria:  Turn  the  other  cheek,  by  announcing  in  open  court  that  they  were  going  to  buy  $200  worth  of  groceries  for  Councilman  Rob  and  his  wife,  as  a  sign  of  forgiveness,  and  dropping  all  charges  "without  prejudice,"  meaning  future  charges  against  them  would  permit  a  reopening  of  the  case.

Michael  and  Maria  looked  at  me  with  astonishment  and  offense,  asked  me  if  I  "was  kidding,"  and  dug  in  their  heels.

By  3:00  a.m.,  the  case  had  still  not  been  heard.  The  prosecutor  suggested  a  dismissal  without  prejudice.  I  suspected  that  the  delay  was  "political"  --  the  case  was  intentionally  held  in  abeyance  to  grind  Michael  and  Maria  down,  to  get  them  to  agree  to  the  dismissal  without  prejudice  rather  than  go  to  trial.  Michael  and  Maria  were  so  disgusted  at  3:00  a.m.  that  they  consented  and  went  home.

The  hatred  boiled  in  their  neighborhood  for  years.

Until  about  10  years  later,  when  something  very  surprising  occurred.

Michael  caught  cancer,  and  he  decided  to  die  at  home.  As  he  lay  in  his  deathbed,  he  asked  for  Councilman  Rob  and  Rick.  Councilman  Rob  and  his  wife  had  moved  away  years  before,  and  were  nowhere  to  be  found.  Rick  came.  Michael  said,  "Tell  Pete  he  was  right.  I  should  have  forgiven  you  years  ago.  I  forgive  you  now.  I  hope  that  you  forgive  me."

And  he  died  shortly  thereafter.

Friday, September 15, 2017

MAGNOLIA SOLAR FURNACE EXPERIMENT

Many  years  ago,  my  wife  and  I  regularly  babysat  little  Lesle  Nhu  Kieu,  the  daughter  of  our  Vietnamese  neighbors,  on  Saturdays,  when  both  of  her  parents  were  working.  I  was  the  main  caretaker,  and,  man,  I  loved  that  little  punk.  And  like  me  she  was  a  "lefty"  --  the  most  left  "lefty"  I  have  ever  seen  --  and  I  think  because  I  was  a  "lefty"  also  not  only  was  she  a  "tomboy"  who  loved  spending  time  with  me,  but  she  could  almost  read  my  mind.

If  I  wasn't  helping  little  Lesle  with  her  homework,   she  would  always  ask  to  go  on  some  "adventure"  or  other.   We  did  many  really  cool  things  --  we  toured  the  Franklin  Institute  in  Philadelphia,  the  University  of  Pennsylvania  Archaeology  Museum,  the  Academy  of  Natural  Sciences  Museum;  we  would  go  on  photography  walks,  taking  pictures  of  interesting  things  along  the  route;  I  took  her  flying,  once;  we  would  also  do  back  yard  experiments,  which  she  loved  more  than  anything  else.

One  of  our  backyard  experiments  was  the  construction  of  a  solar  furnace.

I  had  told  her  the  story  of  Archimedes  and  the  Roman  ships  attacking  his  City  of  Syracuse,  Sicily.  He  had  the  city  of  Syracuse  prepare  about  6,000  highly-polished  copper  shields,  with  a  man  assigned  to  each  shield,  and  stationed  them  around  the  harbor  of  Syracuse.  When  the  invading  Romans  sailed  their  barges  full  of  troops  into  Syracuse  harbor,  all  6,000  shield  bearers  carefully  reflected  the  sunlight  to  the  same  spot  on  each  barge,  multiplying  the  reflected  sunlight  by  6,000,  sending  a  blinding  reflection  of  sunlight,  as  hot  as  lava  from  a  volcano,  onto  each  barge,  cooking  the  troops,  and  setting  the  barge  afire.

When  I  told  little  Lesle  that  we  could  imitate  what  Archimedes  did  in  an  experiment,  she  looked  forward  to  it  with  enormous  enthusiasm.   I  began  buying  $1  mirrors  from  our  local  dollar  store ...



... until  I  had  accumulated  60  of  them,  and  then,  one  cloudless  Fall  Saturday,  Lesle  and  I,  and  a  neighbor  kid  named  Andrew  who  had  a  kind  of  crush  on  Lesle,  went  down  to  the  local  ballfield  for  the  experiment  with  our  mirrors.

We  set  up  an  overturned  trash  can  on  the  south  side  of  some  bleachers,  and  placed  a  black  plastic  flowerpot  on  the  trash  can,  and  I  said,  "This  is  a  wooden  barge  of  the  Romans  sailing  into  Syracuse  harbor";  and  the  3  of  us,   Lesle,  Andrew  and  myself,  then  carefully  set  up  in  an  array  all  60  mirrors  on  the  bleachers,  so  that  the  sunlight  reflecting  off  each  mirror   landed  on  the  same  spot  on  the  black  flower  pot.

As  the  concentrated  sunlight  on  the  flower  pot  from  the  addition  of  the  reflection  of  each  succeeding  mirror  grew  brighter  and  brighter,  it  became  so  brilliant  in  its  intensity,  even  on  black  plastic,  that  it  became  hard  to  look  at.  The  side  of  the  plastic  flower  pot  began  to  smoke  and  melt,  and  finally  it  caught  fire.

Voila:  With  a  few  dollars  of  junk  mirrors,  little  Lesle  and  Andrew  had  helped  me  prove  that  Archimedes  could,  indeed,  have  saved  his  beloved  City  of  Syracuse  against  invading  Romans  with  a  kind  of  "ray  gun"  powered  by  sunlight!


Wednesday, September 13, 2017

"JESUS IS BORN !" SO WHAT ?

Millions  of  Christians  get  all  excited  every  year  when  they  celebrate  the  birth  of  Christ,  but  do  they  really  know  why?  Why  is  it  important  that  Christ  came  to  humanity,   lived  here,   and  was  arrested,  tortured  and  crucified?  So  what?  Spartacus  was  arrested  and  crucified  by  the  Romans?   Why  shouldn't  I  regard  that  as  Spartacus  having  been  crucified  for  me  and  my  salvation?  Why  was  what  happened  to  Christ  significant?

Though  millions  of  Christians,  Catholic  and  non-Catholic,  proclaim  that  "Christ  died  for  our  sins,"   their  brains  stop  there.  And  because  their  brains  don't  get  past  that  point, they  really  don't  understand  their  Faith  --  at  all,  not  one  jot;  not  one  tittle.  And  because  they  can't  do  so,  I  believe  that  very,  very  few  Christians  today  would  suffer  or  die  for  their  faith,  and  in  fact  will  abandon  the  Faith  for  more  convenient  exercises  in  The  Great  Falling  Away,  which  I  believe  in happening  as  I type  this.

So,  what  do  we  mean  when  we  say  that  "Christ  died  for  our  sins?"

This ...

God  is  "extremely"  everything  that  He  is.  Among  other  things,  He  has  an  extreme  sense  of  justice.   So,  when  the  Old  Testament  portrays  Him  as  a  nasty  God  of  Vengeance,  it  is  accurately  portraying  God.  When  God  sees  us  down  here  paying  hypocritical  lip  service  to  his  law,  He  becomes  filled  with  blood-curdling  --  blood-curdling  --  rage.  Bible  students  are  astonished  at  some  of  the  Scriptural  portrayals  of  God's  rage.  E.g.,  "I,  in  my  turn,  will  laugh  at  your  doom.  I  will  mock  when  terror  overtakes  you ..."  Proverbs  1:26.

But,  God  is  also  extremely  a  God  of  Extreme  Love.  And  the  God  of  Extreme  Love,  even  while  He  is  mindful  of  His  blood-curdling  rage  at  us  for  our  sin-proneness  and  sins,   simple   loves  the  holy  heck  out  of  each  of  us  --  He  loves  us  like  crazy!  And  so  He  did  something  startling ...

The  perfect  God  of  Justice  and  Love, Whom  we  can  neither  prove  nor  disprove  because  of  His  ineffability,   asked  for  a  divine  volunteer  to  pay  the  extraordinary  price  exacted  by  God's  Own  extreme  Perfect  Justice  for  our  sins  --  the  suffering  and  death  of  the  Lawmaker,  God.

The  beloved  God  the  Son,  filled  with  love,    immediately  threw  up  his  hand  and  said,  "I  WILL!  I'LL  PAY  THE  PRICE!"  or  words  to  that  effect.

And  God  the  Father  answered  with  something  like,  "MY  BELOVED  SON,  I  HEREBY  ACCEPT  YOUR  LOVING  OFFER,  AND  SO  I  DOOM  YOU  TO  ENDURE  HORRIBLE   TORTURE  AND  DEATH  FOR  THE  SINS  OF  ALL  WHO  ACCEPT  YOUR  SACRIFICE  BY  THEIR  FAITH."

And  so  now,  we  have  the  grace  conveying  the  benefit  of  Christ's  sacrifice  --  spiritual  power  and  salvation  --  if  you  accept  it,  in  the  current  time  of  love,   access  to  which  will  continue  until  what  the  Bible  calls  "The  Day"  --  the  last  day,  which  I  believe  is  closing  in  on  us  with  great  rapidity.

Once  The  Day  comes,  however,  things  will  change  in  a  snap.  Suddenly,  as  God  closes  down  The  World,   those  still  living  in  a  damned  state  will  feel  extremely  hopeless  and  lost  in  their  damned  state  --  perhaps  well  portrayed  in  the  Sistine  Channel  painting of  a  damned  soul  being  pulled  down  to  Hell ...



The  saved  will  nonetheless  remain  engraced,   married  as  it  were  to  the  loving  sacrifice  of  God  the  Son  --  thus  the  importance  of  faith.

Because  Spartacus  and  and  other  mere  humans who  were  sacrificed  were  "creatures  of  Original  Sin,"  their  sacrifice  was  unimpressive  to  God  as  far  as  the  salvation  of  Man  is  concerned.

Because  Jesus  is  God  Himself,  and  because  His  innocence,  like  everything  else  about  God,  is  extreme  and  rooted  in  God's  perfection,  when  Jesus  offers  to  suffer  and  die  as  a  sacrifice  substituted  in  by  God  as  the  penalty  for  our  sins,   it  is  effective  in  persuading  God  to  save  us.

If ...

...if  we  "sign  the  check";  if  we  simply  say, by  our  faith  in  the truth  of  God's  promise,   "Yes.  I  accept,"  to  the  offer  of  salvation  by  the  merit  of  Christ's  sacrifice.

Now,  our  sinful  state  is  complete.  Without  grace,  we  can't  even  see  the  offer  of  salvation  through  Christ.  The  grace  of  the  cross  solves  the  problem,  by  raising  each  of  us  up  to  a  level  of  equanimity,  so  that  we  can  choose,  "Yes!"  in  response  to  God's  offer.


Monday, September 4, 2017

OUIJA BOARDS -- STAY AWAY!

I  first  bumped  into  a  Ouija  Board  when  I  was  a  4  year  old  kid.  Back  then,  in  the  late  1950s,   Ouija  Boards  were  regarded  as  a  harmless  toy,  safe  for  kids  and  adults.  One  of  my  older  siblings  received  a  Ouija  Board  as  a  gift,  and  retreated  to  the  basement  of  our  home  with  another  older  sibling  to  experiment  with  it.   I  followed  them  down  into  the  basement  and  watched  their  Ouija  Board  ritual  with  the  keen,  pure  interest  of  an  innocent  4  year  old.  All  were  greatly  disappointed  when  nothing  seemed  to  happen,  and  they  quit  their  game.

Nothing  seemed  to  happen,  that  is,  until  late  that  night ...

That  night,  I  had  the  first  "ghostly"  experience  of  my  life.  I  awakened  in  my  bed  in  the  darkened  house,  and  listened  and  heard  my  brothers sleeping  soundly  in  their  beds  behind  mine  in  the  boy's  room,  and  my  parents  snoring  peacefully  in  their  bed  through  the  doorway  to  their  room  next  to  my  bed.  I  pulled  my  blankets  up  to  my  chin  and  waited  for  sleep  to  come.  Suddenly,  I  felt  a  strong,  distinct  compulsion ...

"Peter,  look  into  your  parents'  bedroom.  Something  is  about  to  happen."

I  looked,  and  saw  a  classic  ghostly  figure  come  floating  into  my  parents'  bedroom  from  the  direction  of  the  other  door  to  their  room.  She  floated  around  the  end  of  their  bed,  enabling  me  to  see  that  she  was  dressed  in  a  flowing  translucent  gown,  about  an  inch  above  the  floor  --  toward  me  in  my  bed!

Frightened,  I  pulled  my  blankets  over  my  head,  hoping  "the  ghost  lady"  --  I  had  a  strong  feeling  that  "it"  was  a "she" --  would  just  go  away.

After  a  few  minutes,  I  peeked  out  from  beneath  my  blankets  and  into  my  parents'  bedroom,  and  saw  that  the  thing  was  gone.  Greatly  relieved,  I  turned  over  to  my  other  side  under  the  blankets  --  and  froze.

There  the  thing  was,  between  my  bed  and  my  older  brother's  bed,  bent  over  my  older  brother's  sleeping  figure,  staring  intently  at  him.

After  a  few  moments,  the  thing  turned  her  head  around,  and  stared  at  me,  as  I  continued  laying  there,  frozen  in  astonishment.  Then  it  straightened  up,  and  floated  out  the  other  door  to  our  bedroom  into  the  hall.

It  dawned  on  me,  years  later,  that  when  the  thing  first  floated  into  our  parents'  bedroom,   it  was  coming  from  the  direction  of  the  bedroom  of  the  other  sibling  who  participated  in  the  Ouija  Board  "seance"  that  day,  and  then  came  and  stared  at  the  brother  who  had  been  participant  #2,  while  I  was  alerted  to  watch  --  what  I  had  done  in  the  basement  during  my  siblings'  "ritual."

I.e.,  the  Ouija  Board  worked.

The  house  remained  haunted  for  years  after  that.  The  thing  followed  a  pattern.   (1)  It  came  in  the  dark  or  subdued  light;  (2)  when  the  experiencer  was  asleep,  going  to  sleep  or  waking  up;  (3)  and  "put  on  a  show"  for  the  experiencer;  (4)  frequently  evidencing  a  "female"  presence.

The  "show"  was  comprised  of  knocking  on  the  walls,  or  a  physical  grabbing  of  the  body,  or  a  sudden  raising  of  the  shades  in  the  room  --  anything  to  get  our  attention.

Once,  when  I  confided  that  "ghostly"  experience,  and  others,  to  Phyllis,  one  of  the  ladies  who  lived  next  door,  she  suggested  that  I  try  to  contact  the  thing  back.  Astonished  and  fearful,  I  immediately  said,  "NO  WAY!"  

But,  "fools  rush ..."

On  an  evening  not  long  after  my  conversation  with  Phyllis,  everybody  in  our  family  had  a  place  to  go  after  dinner  but  me.  It  occurred  to  me  that,  isolated,  I  could  attempt  to  contact  the  ghost,  as  Phyllis  had  suggested,  with  no  one  else  in  the  family  to  distract  or  shame  me.

When  all  had  left  and  I  was  alone,  I  placed  a  paper  and  a  crayon  on  the  coffee  table  in  the  living  room, turned  on  some  soft  music  to  help  lull  myself  into  a  sleepy  state,  doused  all  of  the  lights  in  the  house,  sat  on  the  living  room  sofa,  and  announced,  "Okay,  whoever  you  are,  I  would  appreciate  it  if  you  tried  to  contact  me."

Nothing  happened  except  suddenly  the  radio  broadcast  some  raucous  rock  music  in  place  of  the  soft  music.

I  jumped  up  and  changed  stations,  tuning  the  radio  to  MAGIC,  WMGK  FM  103,  where  I  found  some  quiet  soft  shoe  music.  I  returned  to  the  sofa  and  repeated  my  request,  "Okay,  whoever  you  are,  I  would  appreciate  it  if  you  tried  to  contact  me."  But  I  added,  "If  you  do,  I  promise  I  won't  tell  anyone."

All  of  a  sudden,  an  invisible  cloud  of  cold  materialized  at  my  face,  characterized  by  a  sensation  of  wild  touching,  touching,  touching.  Then  the  touching  sensation  launched  itself  into  my  nose  and  mouth,  and  to  my  astonishment  rushed  down  my  lungs  till,  at  heart  level,  it  began  to  make  my  heart  beat  very  violently.

"IT'S  A  DEMON  TRYING  TO  POSSESS  ME!"  I  thought  to  myself  in  a  panic  as  I  jumped  up  and  kind  of  prayerfully  "no'd"  it  out  of  me.

Poof.  The  sensation  vanished  and  my  heart  went  back  to  normal.

I  never  tried  to  contact  the  thing  again.  And  I  kept  my  promise  to  not  tell  anyone  --  for  a  year  or  so.

But  then,  one  night,  when  I  walked  into  the  house,  I  found  my  father  telling  the  gathered  family  about  his  ghostly  experiences  when  he  was  young.  I  thought  to  myself,  "If  he  can  do  it  without  shame,  I  can  do  it,"  and  I  ran  through  the  list  of  ghostly  experiences  beginning  with  the  visitation  which  followed  the  use  of  the  Ouija  Board  and  ending  with  my  "communication  experiment"  that  had  such  a  bad  ending.  As  I  told  them  about  the  communication  experiment,  I  was  conscious  of  the  fact  that  I  was  breaking  my  promise  to  the  thing.  The  members  of  the  family  who  were  present  that  night  stared  open-mouthed  as  I  told  them  the  story.

That  night, or  maybe  one  or  two  nights  later,  I  had  the  worst  "ghostly"  experience  of  my  life  in  the  form  of  a  wild,  frightening  nightmare.  A  group  of  4  or  5  black-eyed  "muchkins"  in  deep  blue  gas-station-style   jumpsuits  walked  towards  me,  out  of  the  screen  of  my  dream,  angrily  sneering,  "YOU  SON-OF-A-B - - - H,  YOU  BROKE  YOUR  PROMISE  TO  US  TO  NOT  TELL  ANYONE.  WE'RE  GOING  TO  GET  YOU  FOR  DOING  THAT!!!"  At  that  point  I  noticed  that  they  were  carrying  a  thick  hose  between  them,  like  firemen  holding  a  fire  hose,  and  they  suddenly  rushed  at  me  and  rammed  me  in  the  belly  with  it.  In  the  dream  I  went  "oooooooooooooooofff"  in  response.

But  then  I  awakened  slowly  in  my  bed.  As  I  came  to,  I  realized  that  I  was  screaming,  screaming,  screaming  in  my  bedroom  bunk.  As  I  stopped  screaming,  I  realized  that  not  only  was  I covered  head-to-foot  with  sweat,  but  I  was  lying  in  pools of  sweat  on  the  sheets.  I  also  had  a  distinct  sensation  that  I  had  been  anally  raped  by  the  hose,  not  punched  in  the  stomach  by  it.  As  I  apprehended  this,  I  saw  a  vision  of  the  "muchkins"  in  the  periphery  of  my  vision  laughing  at  me.

And  then  I  realized  that  it  was 10:00  a.m.  on  a  sunny  weekend  morning,  and  that  the  rest  of  the  house  was  quiet.  I  got  down  off  my  bunk,  got  a  towel  and  dried  off  the  sweat,  and  I  dressed  and  went  downstairs.  There  members  of  the  family  were  gathered  in  the  living  room,  staring  at  me  angrily.  One  explained,  "Around  midnight  you  began  yelling  and  screaming  in  your  sleep.  We  tried  to  wake  you,  but  couldn't.  We've  been  down  here  for  hours  while  you  screamed  in  your  sleep,  talking  about  what  to  do  with  you."

"Sorry  about  that,"  I  stammered  without  further  explanation,  hoping  that  they'd  just  drop  the  whole  thing.  I  found  it  impossible,  then,  to  tell  them  about  the  rape  dream.

Years  later,  after  I  became  a  New  Jersey  trial  lawyer  and  married  and  moved  to  New  Jersey,  I  stopped  at  Blockbuster  Video  and  rented  the  Whitley  Streiber  film  Communion  for  entertainment  one  Friday  night  after  court  while  I  and  my  wife  chomped  on  pizza.  I  had  heard  of  Communion  and  of  the  Abduction  Phenomenon,  but  that  was  it.

As  we  sat  watching  the  film  and  eating  pizza,  the  movie  advanced  to  the  point  where  the  movie  portrayed  Streiber  experiencing  the  blue-suited  "munchins"  assisting  the  almond-eyed  abductors  in  the  Abduction  Phenomenon.

I  had  already  told  my  wife  about  my  rape  dream  years  before.  So,  I  blurted  out,  "THAT'S  THEM!  THOSE  ARE  THE  BLUE-SUITED  B - - - - - DS  WHO  ANALLY  RAPED  ME  IN  THAT  RAPE  DREAM  YEARS  AGO  TO  PUNISH  ME  FOR  BREAKING  MY  PROMISE!"

And  since  that  time,  I  have  been  firmly  committed  to  the  notion  that  the  beings  in  the  Abduction  Phenomenon  are  demonic,  and  that  the  "ghosts"  engendered  by  Ouija  Boards  are  the  same.

Take  it  from  me  --  Ouija  Boards  are  thoroughly  dangerous.  Keep  the  kids  away  from  them.

Friday, September 1, 2017

TOURETTE'S SYNDROME

Our  family  was  friendly  with  a  couple,  years  ago,  where  the  husband  seemed  to  suffer  from  two  different  facial  tics.  He  was  a  very,  very  nice  guy,  except  that  he  was  prone  to  rage  in  disputes  with  his  wife.  When  I  would  pay  a  visit  to  their  home  and  accidentally  walk  into  the  middle  of  a  fight,  I  would  hear  him  robotically  repeating,  "F - - k  my  mother-in-law;  f - - k  my  wife's  uncle,"  again  and  again,  hundreds  of  times.  On  such  occasions,  I  would  convince  him  to  take  an  hour-long  walk  through  town  with  me,  during  which  he  would  continue  repeating,  "F - - k  my  mother-in-law;  f - - k  my  wife's  uncle;  f - - k  my  mother-in-law;  f - - k  my  wife's  uncle;  f - - k  my  mother-in-law;  f - - k  my  wife's  uncle;  f - - k  my  mother-in-law;  f - - k  my  wife's  uncle."

On  one  such  occasion,   the  encounter  was  especially  bizarre.  It  was  evening.  Their  child  was  curled-up  in  a  corner  of  the  living  room,  shaking,  when  I  entered  the  house.  The  husband  was  holding  the  crying  wife  prisoner  in  a  chair  in  front  of  a  mirror  by  her  hair,  repeating  as  usual,  "F - - k  my  mother-in-law;  f - - k  my  wife's  uncle;  f - - k  my  mother-in-law;  f - - k  my  wife's  uncle;  f - - k  my  mother-in-law;  f - - k  my  wife's  uncle;  f - - k  my  mother-in-law;  f - - k  my  wife's  uncle."  He  didn't  seem  to  realize  I  was  there.   I  called  home  to  my  wife  and  told  her  that  the  mother  and  child  would  have  to  sleep  in  our  spare  bedroom.  When  my  wife  came  over  to  assist,  I  gently  persuaded  the  husband  to  let  the wife  leave  that  chair,  and  my  wife  quickly  ushered  the  wife  and  child  out  the  front  door  to  our  house.  As  I  turned  around  to  face  the  husband  again,  he  walked  past  me  without  seeing  me,  still  repeating  his  evil  curse  words,  "F - - k  my  mother-in-law;  f - - k  my  wife's  uncle."  I  took  him  for  his  hour-long  walk  to  give  him  the  chance  to  calm  down.  He  returned  home  and  slept.

I  probably  should  have  called  police,  but  the  wife  stubbornly  refused  to  cooperate  with  that  effort.

As  I  pondered  the  problem,  I  thought,  "Where  else  have  I  seen  this  behavior  in  my  law  practice?"  And  then  it  dawned  on  me:  In  my  few  cases  involving  Tourette's  Syndrome.

Tourette's  cases  are  typically  evidenced  by  multiple  varieties  of  facial  tics,  and,  again,  the  husband  in  this  case  had  two  of  them  --  a  regularly-occurring  sniff  and  a  regularly-occurring  grimace.  Also,  robotic  behavior  emerges,  and  I  had  clearly  witnessed  that.  Also,  there  is  sometimes  a  pronounced  proclivity  to  obscene  cursing  --  my  neighbor's  outstanding  persistent  symptom.   He  had  Tourette's.  I  was  sure  of  it.  When  I  told  the  husband  and  wife  about  my  analysis  and  compared  the  husband's  behavior  to  the  list  of  symptoms  on  a  brochure  on  Tourette's,  they  both  burst  out  laughing.  I  pleaded,  "At  least  see  a  doctor  on  this.  Medication  may  solve  the  problem."

They  laughed  some  more,  and  politely  declined  to  abide  by  my  suggestion.

But  the  fights  continued.  The  husband's  bad  behavior  continued.  The  situation  finally  exploded  in  divorce,  which  I  was  glad  to  see,  if  only  for  their  traumatized  child's  sake.