The Frightening Magnolia UFO

The  following  occurred  on  July  1,  1985  at  10:00  p.m.,  perhaps  while  I  and  my  wife  were  away  on  a  trip,  so  that  we  weren't  around  to  see  the  following ...

The  reporting  individual   lived  on  Camden  Avenue  across  the  street  from  Magnolia  Public  School  school  yard.  I've  cleaned-up  the  diction  a  little  for  the  sake  of  clarity ...

[At]  approximately 10 p.m.  I was sitting watching TV with my parents. when the TV   [suddenly]  got fuzzy.

We heard some people making noise outside a few minutes later.  When my dad looked outside to see what was going on, he called us all outside.  Directly across the street from my house is  [Magnolia  Public  School]  school yard.

Approximately  100 yards away. hovering approximately 200 feet above the school, was a huge, bright, white, completely illuminated, egg-like sphere with a band of changing colored lights along the perimeter of this craft.

We are located about 20 miles from Philadelphia  International  Airport.   We were outside, along with all of our neighbors, looking up at this object.   It was about the size of a football field.

When airport traffic patterns  [i.e.,  passenger  jets  making  their  final  approach  to  International  Airport] came in our direction,  the object would black-out [so  that  it  was] almost invisible, but because of our close distance we could still see it.

We tried to call the local news stations but all outgoing calls  [were  met  with  a  busy  signal]  --   even [calls]  to other phones in our house, as if  [the  UFO] was jamming the phone lines!   The cable was messy, too.

The object hovered silently  for approximately 20 to 25 minutes.

Then  [it]  “ramped-up”  -- I  guess is the best way to describe it  --   It started speeding up the color changing lights as if it were  building-up  power  [somehow], and it took off straight-up in the air at a speed unimaginable,  so fast it left a visual trail of light in the air --almost like, if you span a picture of a moving [flash]light,  it trails.  Everyone stayed out side for a while and talked about what it might [have] been.  We never saw it again.

You  can  see  the  original   of  the  report,  from  the  files  of  the  National  UFO  Reporting  Center,  here ...

http://www.nuforc.org/webreports/034/S34568.html#sthash.ZCOJZtA3.dpuf

The  "PD"  in  the  last  line  of  the  report  isn't  me.

The Running Toilet

I  won't  name  names  in  this  story,  but  it's  a  interesting  lesson  in  the  things  that  occur  when  "the  kids"   are  left  in  charge  of  the  house.

A  divorced  lady  lived  in  one  of  the  ranchers  in  Magnolia  with  3  of  her  4  daughters,  all  over  18  years  of  age.    Finally  a  portion  of  the  lady's  anatomy  became  cancerous.   Her  battle  with  the  deadly  disease  was  unsuccessful.    After  she  passed  away,  the  oldest,  non-resident  daughter  called  me  in  to  assist  with  the  estate.

Mostly,  there  was  no  estate.  Just  a  big  pile  of  unpaid  bills  on  the  dining  room  table,  left  unpaid  by  the  daughters  while  their  mom  lay  in  her  hospital  bed.  As  I  sorted  through  the  bills  --  $20  for  this,   $90  for  that,  $50  for  this,   $75  for  that  --  I  came  upon  the  New  Jersey  Water  bill.   It  was  for  $6,700 !!!

I  said,  "$6,700 !!!  HOW  DID  YOU  LADIES  RUN  UP  A  WATER  BILL  LIKE  THAT   WHILE  YOUR  MOM  WAS  IN  THE  HOSPITAL ???!!!  YOU  HAVE  NO  SWIMMING  POOL !!!"

The  ladies  were  crying,  because  they  knew  the  consequences  --  after  the  Surrogate's  fees,  lawyer's  fees  and  administrator's  commission,  bills  get  paid  before  heirs  get  anything.  "WE  DON'T  KNOW  WHAT  HAPPENED,  PETER !!!"  they  exclaimed.

I  said,  "Let  me  go  to  the  bathroom  and  then  I'll   try  to  figure  this  out."

I  walked  down  the  hall  to  the  bathroom,  opened  the  door  --  and  found  the  toilet  running,  running,  running.  "Well,"  I  thought,  "There's  the  answer !   $6,700  went  down  the  hopper  while  mom  was  in  the  hospital !"

I  took  the  top  off  the  water  box  portion  of  the  toilet,   flushed  the  toilet,  and  saw  that   the  chain  to  the  flush  valve  seat  got  hung-up  every  time.

"How  long  has  the  toilet  been  running  like  that ?"  I  asked  as  I  came  out  of  the  bathroom.

"Oh,"  one  of  the  girls  said  casually,  "It  started  that  as  soon  as  mom  went  into  the  hospital.    That's  alright,  isn't  it?  The  water  just  goes  in  a  big  circle,  right ?"

The Purpose of This Blog

My  wife  Rise`  and  I  have  been  living  in  Magnolia  since  March  of  1982.     I've  already  recorded  the  funny  and  strange  things  in  my  life  "BME"  --  "Before  the  Magnolia  Era"  --  in  a  series  of  stories  for  a  Northeast  Philadelphia  rag  called  The  Frankford  Gazette.  In  this  blog  I'll  preoccupy  myself  with  every  crazy  memory  and  story  that  comes  flying  into  my  head  related  to  my  life  "AM"  --  "Anno  Magnolii."

Saying Goodbye to Rise`

I  posted  this  one  more  than  a  year  ago.   I  think  that  most  looked  at  it  because  they  thought  that  the  title  indicated  that  I  was  leaving  Rise`.   Nothing  could  be  further  from  the  truth.  It's  just  about  leaving  the  house  for  the  day  to  go  to  work  or  some  other  place.   It's  about  the  funny  ways  we  sometimes  say  goodbye  to  each  other.


(1)  Sometimes  when  I  leave  the  house,  I'll  shout  out  to  Rise`,    "BRING  UNDERWEAR !!!"

What  that  refers  to  is  if  I  get  raptured  --  taken  up  to  God  in  Heaven  --  while  I  am  out,   so  that  all  the  police  can  find,  when  they  finally  come  to  look  for  me,  is  my  clothes  lying  on  top  of  my  shoes,   Rise`  should  rush  over  with  clean  underwear  and  switch  them  in  for  the  worn  underwear  in  the  pile.


(2)  Peter  to  Rise`,  as  he  is  leaving  the  house  for  the  day:  "YOU'RE  REALLY  SOMETHING !!!"

Rise`  in  response:  "BUT  YOU  DON'T  KNOW  WHA-A-A-AT !!!" 

"Wha-a-a-at"  has  to  be  pronounced  in  a  Jewish  way,  the  way  Richard  Lewis,  the  "Prince  John"   character  in  "Robin  Hood,  Men  in  Tights"   would  pronounce  it.


(3)  Peter  to  Rise`,  as  he  is  leaving  the  house  for  the  day:  "YOU'RE  SUCH  A  TREASURE !!!"

Rise`  in  response:  "JUST  DON'T  BURY  ME !!!"


(4)  Peter  to  Rise`  as  Rise`  is  leaving  to  go  somewhere  by  herself:   "DON'T  FORGET,  IF  SOMEONE  TRIES  TO  GRAB  YOU  AND  DO  THINGS  TO  YOU,   KEEP  REPEATING,   'STOP!   DON'T!'  AGAIN  AND  AGAIN  AND  AGAIN."

A Joke Rise` Liked

If  a  man  is  talking  in  the  forest,  and  there's  no  woman  around  to  hear  him,  is  he  still  wrong?