ISN'T AMERICA GREAT?

Last  Fall,  when  our  black  plastic  trash  cans  proved  incapable  of  enduring  the  ordinary  wear-and-tear  of  trash  day,    I  went  out  and  purchased  two  new  ones  --  the  next  most  expensive  variety,  light  blue  in  color  --  at  Lowes  in  Lawnside.

The  other  day,   as  I  was  putting  the  cans  out  for  trash  collection  the  following  morning,  I  noticed  something  --  each  trash  can  has  the  instructions  on  the  side,  telling  you  how  to  open  it ...

The  words  "LIFT  TO  OPEN"  are  embossed  on  the  sides  near  the  top,  with  arrows  to  help  you  understand  which  direction  "LIFT"  refers  to.

"Only  in  America,"   I  thought  to  myself.

But  then  it  occurred  to  me  that  there  are  no  directions  telling  us  how  to  get  the  top  back  on,  once  we  lift  it  off.

I  thought  to  myself,   "Wait!    I've  got  an  idea!   I'll   send  an  e-mail  to  Lowes,  complaining  of  the  lack  of  directions  on  how  to  get  the  top  back  on  once  we  lift  it  off,  and  how  it  is  stinking  up  the  neighborhood  because  of  this!   I  wonder  if  Lowes  will  take  my  e-mail  seriously,  and  send  me  a  letter  with  special  written  instructions,  with  illustrative  photos,  on  how  to  put  on  a  trash  can  top!"

And  then  I  thought  to  myself,  "No!  I've  got  a  better  idea!  I'll  send  an  e-mail  threatening  a  lawsuit   because  they  don't  tell  me  how  to  put  the  top  back  onto  the  trash  can,   and  see  if  an  adjuster  calls  me  and  says,  "Will  you  accept  $1,000   and  sign  a  release,   to  settle  your  claim?"

America  is  a  great  place!