Saturday, July 2, 2016

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY DNA COUSINS LIST?"

Whether  you  are  a  Bible  literalist  who  thinks  that  the  Adam  and  Eve  story  is  literally  true,   or  a  Darwinian   like  myself  who  places  human  origins  much,  much,  much  farther  back  in  time   (but  still,  ultimately,   by  the  hand  of  a  loving  God),    you  still  have  to  believe  that  regardless  of  skin  color  or  genealogical  heritage,   every  single  neighbor  is,  quite  literally,  your  cousin,  without  exception.

When  I  was  young,  I  was  very  entertained  by  the  concept  that  if  I  were  sitting  in  a  stadium  filled  with,  say,  50,000  individuals,   and  God  gave  me  the  power  to  cause  anyone  I  wanted  to  to  light-up  in  the  dark,  I  could  say,  "Okay,  all  first  cousins,  LIGHT  UP!"   and  maybe  1  other  person  in  the  stadium  would  light  up.   And  then  I  could  say,   "All  second  cousins,   LIGHT  UP!"  and  maybe  4  people  would  light  up.  And  then  I  could  say,   "All  third  cousins,  LIGHT  UP!"  and  maybe  15  people  would  light  up ... until  I  got  down  to,  maybe,   "All  seventy-fifth   cousins,  LIGHT  UP!"   and  the  final  4,000  people  in  the  stadium  would  light  up.   


COUSINS

Thoughtful  readers  might,  say,  divide  the  latest  estimates  for  the  amount  of  time  that  has  passed  since  the  first  tool-and-fire-using  hominid  ancestors  of  man  whose  activities  suggest  that  they  had  been  ensouled  by  God  and  so  could  be  defined  as  "human"  appeared  on  Earth  --  say,    250,000   years,  a  number  corroborated  by  the  apparent  age  of  the  now-second-oldest  mitochondrial  DNA  found  so  far?  --   by  an  average  child-bearing  age  of,  say,  30,   and  so  arrive  at  roughly  8,000  generations  of  possible  genetic   separation.     Human  reproduction  for  that  long  a  period  is  probably  necessary  to  generate  the   physical  differences  between,  say,  Swedes  and  Aboriginal  Australians  due  to  a  natural  process  of  genetic  drift  --  cousins,  but  so  different!




COUSINS


However,  I  have  read  that  scientists  reviewing  the  evidence  underlying  such  notions  come  up  against  a  surprising  lack  of  diversity   among  existing  humans  generations  --  as  though  catastrophes  repeatedly  wiped  out  almost  all  of  mankind,   including  remote  cousins'  bloodlines,  in  historical  and  prehistoric  times.

Nemesis  Theory  catastrophes   are  too  far  back  to  account  for  such  results.    Ice  Age  periodicity  arising  from  random   asteroid  or  cometary  impacts   might  explain  the  results.   Velikovsky-esque   catastrophe  periodicity  would, too.    Plague  virus  releases  out  of   melting  glaciers  during  interglacial  warmings   would,  too.   (A  Bible  literalist  would  add,  "Well,   so  would  a  Genesis-type  flood,   right?"  Sigh.  "Jot-and-tittle"  Bible  literalists  actually  destroy  religion.)

Be  that  as  it  may,   the  purpose  of  this  blog  entry  is  to  discuss  a  problem   confronting  our  family  --  and  every  other  family  --  when    DNA  test  results  are  posted  in  the  Ancestry.com  and  GEDmatch.com  websites:   DNA  cousins  in  cousin  lists  who  don't  belong  there. 

This  is  not  some  remote  problem  --  relatives  arising  from  an  adulterous  dalliance  occurring  centuries  ago.

Nope.  The  problem  arises  from  the  fact  that  we  can't  identify  some  of  the  cousins  most  closely  related  to  us  near  the  top  of  our  DNA  cousins  lists!

#1  in  my  Ancestry.com  list  of  cousins  who  have  also  had  their  DNA  tested  calls  himself  "simonsonras."   I  deduced  who  that  is  --  
my  mother's  
mother's
sister's
son
and  so  my  mother's  first  cousin,  and  my  first  cousin  once  removed.

#2  in  my  Ancestry.com  list  of  cousins  calls  herself  "C.R."  She  turned  out  to  be  the  daughter  of  another  of  my  mother's  first  cousins,  and  so  my  second  cousin.

#3   in  my  Ancestry.com  list,  "mcaston11,"  turned  out  to  be   
my  father's
mother's
sister's
son's
daughter,
and  so  another  second  cousin.

#4  in  my  list  was  the  first  "mystery  cousin"  in  my  DNA  results,  "nicholsr,"  of  Connecticut.

Who  in  Heaven's  Holy  Name  was  "nicholsr"?

And  when  saw  me,  "PeterDawson99,"   in  his  Cousins  List,    he  thought  the  same.  "Who  in  Heaven's  Holy  Name  is  'PeterDawson99'?"

We  spoke  to  each  other  by  e-mail.  We  shared  pedigree  charts  --  our  family  trees.

Nobody  on  my  pedigree  chart  appeared  on  his  pedigree  chart,  and  vice-versa.

We  submitted  our  results  to  the  GEDmatch.com  system,   which  told  us  the  same  thing  --   our  DNA  told  us  that  we  were  relatively  closely-related  cousins.

Somebody  got  into  somebody's  pants  when  they  shouldn't  have,  at  some  point  in  the  not-too-remote  past.  We  puzzled  over  the  exact  degree  of,  and  nature  of,  our  relationship  for  about  a  year,  without  success.

Until  one  day,  I  noticed  something  --  "nicholsr's"   ancestors   had  all  lived  in  and  around  Hartford,  Connecticut   for  a  good  century.

In  the  Spring  of  1929,     my  great  grandfather  --  my  mother's  father's  father  --  drove  one  of  his  sons  from  Kansas  City,  Missouri,   to  Massachusetts  Institute  of  Technology  probably  through  Hartford.

Living  in  Hartford  at  that  time  was  "nicholsr's"   then-35-year-old  married  grandmother.  So,  there  was  the  opportunity  for  philandering.

Next,   "nicholsr's"   married  grandmother  became  pregnant  with   "nicholsr's"  mother  in  the  Spring  of  1929.

That  fit.

Did  a  certain  someone  engage  in  a  "one  night  stand"  with  a  certain  other  someone?

I  thought  of  a  way  to  prove  it.

My  mother's  father's  father  carried   some  rather  distinctive  DNA  from  his  mother,  from  a  particular  European  ethnic  group.

And  I  knew  of  a  cousin  whose  DNA  was  also  in  the  GEDmatch.com  system  who  carried  that  same  distinctive  DNA  in  his  genes.

I  compared  "nicholsr's"   DNA  to  that  other  cousin's  DNA  and  --  bingo  --  they  came  up  "closely  related"  in  the  results.   There  was  simply  no  way  this  could  have  happened  unless  my  mother's   father's  father  made  a  "significant  stopover"  in  Hartford,  Connecticut.

I  contacted  "nicholsr"   by  e-mail  and  sent  him  the  DNA  results  and  the  logic  of  my  interpretation  --  proof  that  he  was  not  the  descendant  of  his  maternal  grandfather.  I  did  so  with  some  reluctance.    Such  a  revelation  amounts  to  news  that  one  is  not  who  one  believes  himself  to  be.  I  imagine  that  that  can  be  a  pretty  shattering  piece  of  information.

He  has  asked  me  about  his  grandfather,  my  great  grandfather  Michael.  I  will  tell  him  shortly,  and  I  hope  that  he  will  be  proud.   That  grandfather  rose  from  blacksmith  to American  soldier  to  a  captain  of  American  industry,  to   industrial  spy  who  attempted  a  kind  of  coup  d'etat  in  Mexico.

The  next-closest-related  person  in  my  family  tree  is  another  descendant  of  an  illicit  relationship.

That's  how  common  they  are  turning  out  to  be,  in  the  Cousin's  Lists.

So,  go  get  your  DNA  tested!



   

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