Saturday, September 26, 2015

REPUBLICAN VEGGIE PIZZA

I'm  liable  to  get  in  some  trouble  for  telling  this  story.    Please  don't  judge  me  negatively   for  what  I  report  here,  until  you  ask  yourself,  "What  would  I  have  done  in  the  same  circumstances?"

Years  ago  I  was  one  of  the  Republican  councilmen  in  Magnolia.    Then  I  was  the  Republican  Municipal  Chairman.   Then   I  ran  for  Mayor,  very  briefly,  until  my  involvement as  an  attorney  in  a  complex  case  in  Superior  Court  in  Camden  forced  me  out.

Though  I  regard  myself  as  a  conservative  Republican,   I  never  got  along  well   with  the  other  folks  on  our  side.  Politics  was  filled  with  way  too  much  pettiness  and  self-aggrandizing.     I  was  falsely  accused  by  the  Magnolia  Rumor  Mill  of  bedding  a  Republican  Mayor's  daughter.  (Several  Republicans  were.)    The  Republicans  who  got  me  involved  just  wanted  me  to  keep  my  mouth  shut  and  obey  orders  --  something  I  never  did.    When  I  discovered   a  very  subtle  and  non-prosecutable  form  of  indirect  theft   by  our  side,    and  disclosed  it  instantly  to  the  Mayor,     someone  went  and   changed  the  written  record  of  the  vote  I  had  cast  to  block  such  theft  so  that  it  looked  like  I  had  cast  a  vote  in  favor  of  such  theft.  Disgusted,   I  secretly  had   the  Borough  Clerk,  who  was  also  offended  at  the  record  alteration,  let  me  make  a  copy  of  the  TAPE  RECORDING   of  that  session  of  Council,  so  that  I  could  prove  that   the  official  record  had  been  altered.   Someone  --  I  don't  know  who,   but  I  wouldn't  be  surprised   if  it  was  one  of  the  hate-filled  lunatics  on  our  side  of  the  aisle   --   called  my  name  in  to  the  IRS  three  years  in  a  row,  to  use  the  IRS  as  a  tool  of  terror.    I  was   audited  three  years  in  a  row.    After  the  first  year,  I  OVERPAID  MY  TAXES  and  UNDER-REPORTED  MY  DEDUCTIONS  on  purpose,    so  that  the  IRS  would  lose  money  if  I  was  audited  again.    When  that  happened  in  the  second  year,  when  I  was  called-in  for  an  audit  for  the  third  year,    the  auditor  said,  "Are  we  going  to  be  returning  money  to  you  again?"   I  said,  "Yup!"   and  they  shook  my  hand  and  told  me  to  go  home.  "Somebody  hates  you,"  the  auditor  said.

Ultimately,  I  was  glad  to  get  out  of  politics.    Like  my  Dad  always  said,  "Pete,  politics  is  evil  in  motion."     He  was  right.

While  I  was  the  Republican  Chairman,  my  wife  would  help  me  throw  pre-election  events   by  making  one  of  everyone's  favorite  treats,  veggie  pizza.


My  wife  Rise`  would  spread  crescent  roll  dough  flat  on  a  cookie  sheet,  bake  it,  spread   a  cream  cheese  concoction  over  it,    and  then  spread  a  variety   of  nutritious  cut-up  vegetables  across  the  cream  cheese.

On  one  occasion,   Rise`  had   just  spread   the  cream   cheese  over  the  baked  dough.  The  uncovered   cream-cheese-covered  pizza    and  the   uncovered  cream-cheese-mix   mixing  bowl  were  next  to  each  other,  when  the  mail  came  and  Rise`  and  I  were  distracted  by  sorting  through  the  mail  on  the  other  side  of  the  kitchen.

Now  we  had  a  cat  in  those  days  --  an  extremely  intelligent  black-and-white  cat  named  Inky.


Inky  simply  NEVER  misbehaved,  except  on  this  one  particular  day.  When  we  turned  from  the  mail  and  looked  back  toward  the  veggie  pizza,  there  was  Inky  on  the  counter,     next  to  the  veggie  pizza  and  cream  cheese  bowl,  with  cream  cheese  on  her  mouth.

Rise`  and  I  both  thought  exactly  the  same  thing:  "Oh,  no!    Where  did  Inky  lick   cream  cheese?     In  the  bowl,  or  on  the  cheese  pizza  itself?"  We  looked  hard,  but  we  couldn't  see  a  distinct  point  of  disturbance  on  either  the  pizza  or  bowl.  "What  should  we  do?"  we  wondered.

Then  Rise  and  I   looked  at  each  other,  and  each  burst  out  laughing  at  the  other's  thoughts.

2 comments:

  1. Sad what politics and power does to some folks, but what a lovely memory to close it out with.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What I didn't reveal, on purpose, is whether we actually fed them the Republicans the veggie pizza which Inky licked.

    ReplyDelete